I have to admit that I'm having an angry day today. It started out last night with my 8 year old son relaying to me a "YO MAMMA" comment he received from a schoolmate. You know, one of those that start Yo mamma's so fat.... I'm not sure what the rest of the comment even was, but it kind of makes me sick to my stomach. I had several thoughts--first, where does that kid live? No seriously, how should I have reacted? I told my son not to worry about it--I know I'm fat, I'm doing what I can, I know who I am--so what? To me that behavior says more about his home training than my condition. I think my son feels conflicted--he wants me to know, he wants to defend me, and probably he wants me most of all to change this aspect of myself. I'd like to tell him--join the club! I'd like to change, too, and I'm working on it. At least it motivated me to exercise last night!
All of this just raises bigger issues for me--I get very angry that the general public does not understand how hard we often work to struggle on this weight issue. People just seem to assume you're a terrible eater and lazy to boot. And it doesn't seem to matter that you have significant, ass-kicking accomplishments--cancer survival, summa cum laude, J.D., mother of three, multilingual, etc.--people seem to focus on that one failing--sigh...
For me, any lapse in vigilance on my eating and I seem to put on a couple of pounds. Today when I hopped on the scale it read 266, up from 264.4. What's up with that? I tracked yesterday, was within my points, exercised. I did indulge in one alcoholic drink and some salty chex mix (maybe one cup). But two pounds--come on. Guess I'll up my water today and hope for the best.
Sorry for this downer post, but I feel like this is the one place I can come and be honest. Everyone else seems to expect you to put on a happy face, and I'm realizing that I need to FEEL these feelings, not eat them. Thanks for listening!
Tomorrow Will Be Thirteen Years
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September 14th, 2021
Tomorrow will mark the 13th anniversary of Day 1 along this road. I was 36
and about to turn 37 and now, here I am on the brink of ...
2 years ago
Hi!! So glad I found your blog...I love finding people at the beginning of their weight loss travels!! I found you through a comment you left on Sean's blog. He is the BEST!! He was my first, and still biggest, weight loss mentor when I started blogging last June at 272 lbs. Love him to pieces.
ReplyDeleteI have a thyroid problem myself, but thank God in Heaven, haven't had to deal with cancer...I just take synthroid every morning.
I know that the lap band is a personal decision, and is actually one that I considered and did a little research on a few years ago (my highest weight was 340 lbs). But I decided against it, because when it comes right down to it...the real nuts and bolts of our weight issues...the problem isn't with our stomachs, it's with our brains...and they don't make a lapband for the brain.
I'm sure you know that Sean started out at 505 and now he's in the 260's. If he can do it w/o a band, Lord knows we can girl!!
And you are SOOOOO right about 90% of this journey being mental. You hit the nail on the head. I'm so glad you realize that at the start. You've got a lot of mental gymnastics ahead of you, but it's not anything you can't handle and work through. I've been blogging for about 9 months now, and have only lost 41 lbs....but man, I've worked out a lot of issues along the way.
I know you can do this...I believe in you with my whole heart. If you ever need any help or just want to chat, you can always email me. It's listed on my blog. I'm always more than willing to help those who are ready to help themselves. Have a fabulous night!! :)
"and I'm realizing that I need to FEEL these feelings, not eat them."
ReplyDeleteBingo! I avoided those unpleasant feelings for so long, and all that got me was 460 pounds!! It's hard, uncomfortable, sometimes emotionally painful, to dig down and face our stuff, instead of stuffing our face. But as you are finding, it is the key. We have to feel them, deal with them, and then it's like going through a tunnel. We eventually get out the other side, and into the light again.
Loretta
=^..^=